Uprooting A Family
by Rachel Kirkby
What is the cost of uprooting a family?
I’ve been dwelling on this question for a good ten minutes now and before I’ve even written one line, I’ve reached for the tissue box twice.
In truth, our family ‘uprooting’ is still really raw.
There is lots I can testify about, but also a lot I am still on a journey with.
I am wholly confident in God’s call to bring our family to Newcastle but the reality that goes alongside this is a lot of practical headaches and emotional wrenching.
We built our family life in York over the 9 years we lived there and we loved it. We enjoyed living in a fantastic home, generously rented to us by friends. Our eldest daughter Amara happily attended a lovely Pre-School and was popular amongst her peers. Lee headed up a dynamic youth and children’s ministry. I was passionately involved in running a local charity (Bundles of Joy). We had a vibrant and varied weekly routine of activities surrounded by a strong community of friendships. Most importantly, we were a part of a precious church family at The Belfrey, which really was a family to us.
So when God began to speak to us about Newcastle, we came up with a lot of excuses… We could never find another house like ours. We don’t want to give up Amara’s school place. We don’t want to uproot from church family. What about Bundles? What about the Youth Team? We don’t want to leave them! We aren’t ‘big city’ people. We don’t want to be far away from the girls’ Grandparents. The list goes on.
But sure enough, God spoke very clearly. After a few months of intense prayer and seeking direction we were left with pages and pages of prophecies and words of scripture telling us that despite all of our fears, God really did want us to move to Newcastle.
The only thing left was to step out of the boat and do it. This felt like a big hurdle. There were so many unanswered questions. Some people hinted that it was a silly decision to sacrifice the great life we had in York. It certainly could be called unwise (perhaps even cruel?) parenting. But we had heard the voice of the Lord and we had to take that risk. We put our whole life in the hands of the Heavenly Father, who is infinitely greater at parenting our children than we ever could be. Many times over the coming months, I would have to speak this over myself - “He loves them more than you do, trust Him”.
The house
Our home in York was filled with precious memories of happy family times. Lee moved in a single man, I moved in when we got married and we had our two babies there (Phoebe literally was born in the kitchen!) We loved the area, had good friendships with neighbours and rented from very generous friends. It was a gift from the Lord, no doubt. One day I was having a little cry to myself about not wanting to leave our lovely home when on that same afternoon, walking back from the local park, there was a very clear rainbow directly over our house.
I took a photo and kept the image in the back of my mind. I felt it was God saying “My promises stand firm over your house”.
Fast forward a few months, we meet the vendor of a house we are looking to buy in Newcastle (yes, that was an unexpected change of direction and product of the Lord’s generous provision!) and she presents us with a Noah’s Ark sticker book displaying a huge rainbow. His promises stand firm. A few practical headaches over the summer but we finally got the keys to this fantastic house. Another 48 hours and it's hit by a flash flood. Should have seen this coming, right?! After five weeks living with Ben and Ellie, we eventually move in. On the first morning we woke up in the house, I opened the curtains whilst praising God and what was to greet me? A huge rainbow right across the sky. His promises really do stand firm!
School
In York, Amara had a place to start Reception alongside her friends at a highly sought after local primary school. When it came to us finding her a school in Newcastle, we’d missed the application deadlines and were advised to make a late application to schools with places left, bearing in mind we were applying with our York address and so at a huge disadvantage.
On paper, there was no way we were going to find a school to match what we’d sacrificed in York. “He loves them more than you do, trust Him” was all we had to go on. Our precious daughter’s future really was out of our hands and into His. Amara got a place in a CofE school within walking distance of our house. A miracle! I will never forget welling up when we visited for the first time and we were greeted with classroom walls full of scripture.
Yes, there were initial struggles adjusting to a whole class of new faces, different accents and ethnicities, but Amara seems to be settling and building strong friendships with classmates now. This fantastic school is nurturing our whole family. Soon Phoebe will start nursery there and I am privileged to be able to help out in the classroom and run a lunchtime Bible Club. God knew where He was placing us and placed us there for a reason.
Whilst I am eager to share these displays of the Lord’s provision and faithfulness, I am at the same time still having to remind myself daily that this move was the right thing, and speak His promises over my doubts.
We are not at the end of the story yet. There are so many things that have not yet figured themselves out.
In a practical sense we are beginning to settle. It is so exciting to be a part of what’s happening at St Thomas’. The Lord is on the move here and we are a part of it. It’s amazing! There are fantastic people here whom we are beyond thankful for; but we grieve for people we’ve left behind. Some days I feel the weight of loneliness when I realise I have no parent friends to call on to have a playdate with yet. Every time Phoebe grows out of clothes my heart pangs because I can’t take them into Bundles of Joy anymore. Amara often looks at old photos and tells me how much she misses her friends. Those days are tough.
To move from a church full of children who our girls have known and loved their whole lives, to a brand new church plant has been hard for them, I know. I see them grieving and the guilt bubbles up. But it does mean my prayer for families to come and join us at St Thomas’ is a very real, very frequent and very passionate prayer. The Lord has taught me a lot through this.
Just this week, I watched from the back as Phoebe tentatively befriended a new little girl at church. A simple act of two toddlers holding each other’s hands for the first time reminded me not to dwell too much on what they’ve lost but to thank God for the opportunities He is giving them here. Every week our girls are the ‘welcome team’ to other children and I trust that God is building elements of their character through this and teaching them how to nurture people who come to church for the first time.
This in mind probably sums up my thinking on the title ‘Uprooting A Family’. Whilst on the one hand, it is a practically and emotionally hard thing to do; I am beginning to see the fruit of how it has grown us both in faith and as a family.
There is a freedom in letting go and letting God. His plan for our lives is infinitely better than anything we can construct. For everything we cease control of, it provides an opportunity for God to display his glory.
And oh what a glorious God He is.
