Victory In Vulnerability

by Ellie Doolan

I've known my husband Ben for over a decade and for that whole time he has always talked about church planting. So when we received the phone call to invite us to come and church plant in Newcastle in 2017 we were so excited.  We came to visit Newcastle for the day before we said yes to anything and as soon as I set foot in the city I knew this was where we were meant to be. I was full of hope and anticipation of what God had in store.

In preparation for the move to Newcastle, Ben and I have been blessed with amazing resources, training and input from incredible people who have experience in church planting. But there are many things you can never be prepared for. Social media will show you the highlights of the nice coffee and constant smiling faces, but you won't often see the grit, hard work and sacrifice that goes on behind the scenes, which is one of the reasons for this blog series. You don't often hear about having to clean the toilets every week, shifting heavy chairs, having to work in a tiny office with 12 other people (that we also have to share with some unwanted rodents…)

Nobody can fully prepare you to lead a team, launch a church and welcome new people into your community when you yourself are hit by the storms of life.

Just two weeks before we launched the Resource Church in October my mum died from a short six month battle with cancer.

It felt like we were living in two different worlds. One of anticipation of what the future holds for us and our church in Newcastle, and one of confusion, chaos and grief.

One of the most profound times in preparing for the launch of the Resource Church came the night before my mum died. We had most of our planting team coming over for dinner, worship and time together in community. Two of our team had just got engaged so we had the bubbly in the fridge chilling ready to celebrate with them.

Then the phone rang just before we were expecting everyone to arrive and the news I had been waiting for and dreading, came. My mum had been given 24 hours.

Our team had just moved 90 miles north, sacrificed homes, schools, being near family, and taken up the call God had put on their lives, all because we were planting a church, and here I was crumbling. I've always been a proud person and although I'm quite an emotional person I hate people seeing me cry, and I hate being vulnerable in front of people. But in that place God was good and faithful as he has always been and always will be. That night we celebrated together and wept together. We worshipped Jesus together and it was the most profound time of worship, and an evening I will never forget. As a team we discovered together something more of the love and faithfulness of God. We leant on one another and learnt a little bit more of what it is to be church family together.

I have always known that battles and blessings in life go hand in hand. Never have I seen it so clearly in my life than I have in the year Ben and I have been living in Newcastle. It has been one of the hardest, darkest times in my life but I had a choice on that night we gathered in our house. A choice to worship and trust in God and the promises and call He had spoken over me. And in amongst the pain, we have seen God do extraordinary things. Since we launched the church plant, we have gained a wonderful new and growing church family, we have seen people make professions of faith in Jesus, we have seen people baptised. We have launched a new congregation, served the city, released homegrown music written by our team, run some fantastic community events and served 1000's of slices of the best pizza in Newcastle, which has led to many people trying church. We’ve sung carols in the streets, done our first Christingle and a fantastic carol service, we have seen people grow in faith and just last week we began our first Alpha course. Many people who were not even known to us 12 weeks ago now call St Thomas' home. God has been so, so good to us.

I was so worried about how I was going to help lead this church when I was so vulnerable, but God, as He always does, knew that we were never meant to be on our own in this. Church community is so important and I have been reminded so strongly of this over the past six months. We need one another.

I am incredibly proud of the church community that have gathered at St Thomas’, both from the planting team who have moved and those who have joined us since moving to Newcastle. They have been gracious towards me and Ben as we have grieved, they have stepped up when we have had to go between York and Newcastle to be with my family in the busy time as we prepared to launch the church plant, they have welcomed and loved the community around them so well.

Although 2019 was the hardest year of my life, it was also the most transformational. I have grown in faith, in my confidence as a leader and in my confidence in the promises God has spoken over me. It is in the valley that we grow.

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. you honour me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:4-6